


Alienation

by Novantinuum (ChromaticDreams)



Series: Brandishing the Star: A Crystal Gem's Guide to the Universe (SU shorts) [7]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempts at self-care, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/No Comfort, Gen, Greg and Connie show up briefly, Hints of parental neglect, Post-Episode: s02e09 We Need To Talk, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27939431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromaticDreams/pseuds/Novantinuum
Summary: “But...I’mhuman,” he whispers to himself, the words tasting more like a desperate plea for belief on his tongue. “Or at least, part human. Right?”-An awkward interaction with his dad and Connie leads Steven to realize that he's now tooGemto all the humans in his life.
Series: Brandishing the Star: A Crystal Gem's Guide to the Universe (SU shorts) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1491011
Comments: 21
Kudos: 85





	Alienation

**Author's Note:**

> Set mid season 2.

“And Connie? If you ever need to talk to another human being about this... you can always talk to me.”

Steven is still in the middle of processing what his dad just said, expression blank, as his best friend innocently hums in affirmative response.

Dad shines a kindly smile at her, holding his hand out for a high-five. “Human beings?” 

“Human beings!” Connie chimes eagerly, and seals the deal with the clap of her palm against his.

But sitting immediately adjacent, the young half-Gem can’t help but feel some undefined facet of his soul deflate as he watches the two of them forge this new bond. Seeking some temporary form of solidity in response, his hand drifts towards the stone at his center.

“Human beings...” he echoes under his breath, his normally jovial voice ringing hollow.

* * *

It’s not too long after that conversation that Steven waves Connie goodbye at the bus station, thus closing their idyllic Saturday afternoon spent hanging out together. He idly bounces up and down on his heels as he watches the vehicle slowly disappear around the corner, turning onto the single lane road that leads out of town. In a lonely, childish fashion he desperately wishes she could stay longer, but she’s gotta get home in time for her dad’s home-cooked dinner, after all. She said he was planning to make cheese ravioli! Very tasty choice.

With his friend now safely on her way, he runs across the crosswalk to begin his journey towards his own home. Unlike her, he doesn’t have any guardians or home-cooked meal waiting for him. (He rarely does.) The Gems are out on an important mission they said they couldn’t take him on. Dad’s gonna be at Mrs. Miller’s house playing cards, spending time with other fellow humans. It’s just gonna be another quiet evening for him. Despite the frequency of nights like these, the realization pulls a quiet sigh from his weary body, his shoulders drooping ever lower as he contemplates what on Earth he’s gonna make for himself, grasps to remember what food they have left in the fridge that hasn’t spoiled yet.

As seems common lately, his fixation on one worry quickly acts as a stepping stone to another.

Which is how he finds his hand clutching at his shirt, right above the quartz gem at the center of his belly. It’s become a subconscious habit, these days. Probably a sign of ambient stress. But what does he even have to be stressed about? He’s got four guardians who love him, a house all to himself, two arms and two legs to cook his own meals, a best friend he loves very much, and he sometimes gets to go on magical adventures. He should have no reason to complain. His life is great! By all logic, he should be satisfied.

And yet...

_ “Human beings?” his dad asked, holding his hand out for a high-five as if Steven himself weren’t sitting right there, feeling tragically and unintentionally alienated as the two of them forged some exclusive pact of solidarity over a feature he always thought all three of them shared. _

_ “Human beings,” Connie replied with a too-enthusiastic grin, and clapped her hand solid against his. _

Steven swallows hard upon recollection of this recent memory, an insidious weight bearing down ever heavier on his chest by the second. Rough wooden slats creak underfoot as he finally reaches the beginning of the boardwalk, continuing his slow-paced voyage to the tip of the peninsula.

“But...  _ I’m _ human,” he whispers to himself, the words tasting more like a desperate plea for belief on his tongue. “Or at least, part human. Right?”

His fingers dig into the sturdy cloth again with an intense grip, hovering directly over the glossy facets of his inheritance.

_ Am... am I... not human  _ _ enough _ _ for them anymore? _

An uncomfortable ache settles deep in the pit of his stomach as he considers this concept further. He’s always assumed that... even if he fails at being a Crystal Gem, at least he’s really great at human things like music, and video games, and drawing. At least he has stuff like that to fall back on. At least he has his dad, and his best friend, and everyone in town to hang out with. But the more he stops to reflect on everything...

_ If you ever need to talk to another human being about this... _

Can he even count on  _ them _ to accept him as he is?

All this time he’s considered himself human  _ and _ Gem, but he’s slowly beginning to realize that everyone else doesn’t see him as either. He’s always too squishy and fragile to go on such-and-such dangerous mission, or his powers are still too unreliable, or he can’t survive underwater like “all Gems can.” He’s too human. Yet reflexively, to all the humans in his life it seems like he’s suddenly too  _ Gem? _ And for what? Just because he’s starting to gain a better grasp on a few selected abilities now, like fusion, or his bubble? Just because he’s seen all these magical places, experienced all these otherworldly things? How is any of this fair? Can’t Connie still talk to  _ him _ about all of this? Isn’t he still a human too? 

Mostly...?

Sniffling, he wipes away the burgeoning tears threatening to trickle down his cheeks. In the end, he figures there’s no use crying about it. That’d be silly. It’s just... how things are, as of now. He’ll get through it, and by the morning he’s sure he’ll forget it was ever a problem.

That’s just how life works.

When he eventually reaches his house, he shuts the door behind him and kicks off his sandals. True to his suspicions, when he opens the fridge he’s not super impressed with his selections. There’s no leftovers, no eggs he can scramble, no vegetables that aren’t already in a state of decay, and it looks suspiciously like Amethyst’s been mooching on all the meats and cheeses again. He sighs. Usually the Gems take great care to ensure the fridge is stocked, but everyone’s been so busy scouting for any sign of Malachite or Peridot lately that they’ve probably forgotten. 

He raises on his toes, and opens the cabinet above the counter to check on their stock of staples. A quick once-through shows that he does have all the ingredients for a peanut butter and honey sandwich, but to be honest his heart’s simply not into the idea of making food himself right now. Stars’ sake, he does that almost every night! 

He’s tired. 

He deserves a pick-me-up.

(He wets his lips, suddenly salivating as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, a tasty little dinner idea brewing within his mind.)

...he deserves a pizza. 

It may not cure any of his anxieties, but that’s okay. After all, it’d be silly to expect such complex circumstances to change in one night.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the abrupt ending, I really didn't know how to end this. But I decided giving him a little bit of joy with the idea of ordering a pizza was better than just leaving it off with him being sad, ahahah. Self-care!


End file.
